carlmont and other considerations

I get frustrated too easily.

But today is the first time I ever seriously considered selling my Nomad and quitting mountain biking for good.

First there was the downhill section up top. I couldn't go down the simplest downhill trail. I sat and pondered and in the end wimped out.

Then there were berms. Oh god, how I hate berms. A whole trail full of berms that just twist around and drop you into nothingness. Berms require you to actually trust the law of physics and lean your bike in the exact opposite direction you want to lean it even when your whole body is screaming "don't do that you dummy, you'll die." I HATE berms. They scare me. So I couldn't do that trail.

Then came the hill. This stupid, off camber, little downhill section that I have ridden before but I could not do it today. Not at all. My bike just would not go down that hill. And nothing I told my brain made it better. My brain and bike both know that often times hills are not as scary as they look. It's the ones you freak over that usually are the easiest. I've gone down longer, steeper hills at Arastradero and Fremont Older. I've gone down rocky sections at Santa Teresa, and even rode some hard stuff at Mr. Toads in Tahoe. That hill is not impossible. In fact it's so simple, and easy. And yet, my bike would not budge. Everytime I said go, my brain said no. Until finally it just flat out said "Fuck you and your bike. We're not doing this, we quit."

Frustrating. So frustrating.

I know I'm better than I was, and I know I'll probably never be as good as I want to be. And I know I put too much pressure on myself; because who really cares if I can go down a stupid little hill or not?

But it matters to me.

Today at Carlmont was not a good day, because I didn't do one thing that I couldn't do before.